Nobody is coming to help you!
On responsibility & entitlement
The opposite of responsibility isn’t irresponsibility. It’s entitlement. A recent event reminded me of an encounter I had with a schoolmate at the state secretariat of one of the two states (Kogi & Lagos) I was (re)deployed for my NYSC. This schoolmate of mine was a first-class graduate from a highly coveted department in our school. Let’s call her B.
As soon as she exchanged greetings with me, she started to bombard me with the grief she has been bottling up since we left university. “I hate our university. Is this how they are supposed to treat a first-class graduate,” she said with rage written all over her face. I, not finding her ‘rant’ interesting, became confounded. But I wanted to listen and at least be her shoulder to cry on at that time. As per Mr. Nice guy. Lol.
She told me many things the school could have done for ‘super-students’ like her that ‘burnt the midnight oil’ more than everyone else. The list of benefits she thought was due to her was exhaustive including a fully funded scholarship abroad, a lecturing position in the department she graduated from, financial rewards, and all sorts of things. She told me she ‘shouldn’t be living this life,’ running around any NYSC secretariat because she graduated with a first-class.’
My schoolmate wants the world to fall at her feet over a piece of paper she obtained from a university. I don’t think she ever got the ‘memo’ from life that the actual exam of life is on the streets of life not in the classroom we both attended.
Many people are like B, my schoolmate. They think all things should be automatically theirs. They don’t want to take any responsibility for themselves. But that’s not how things work. We will never be able to tap into our innate potential if we are obsessively entitled.
In one of Bright UK’s books, ‘Wealth Without Capital,’ he opined that entitled people limit themselves in many ways and never learn new things but are quick to give up when facing challenges. Yes, this is true. They don’t think they should fight for anything.
But many things about life involve fighting. in fact, sometimes we must sell our clothes to buy a sword — trade short-term comfort for long-term freedom.
I have seen firstborns in families living a self-destructive life because they think by their birth position, all the family estate should belong to them without struggle. That’s a slippery slope to failure. All of us must always have it somewhere in our mind that nobody is coming to help us. The earlier you do, the better it is. People that take responsibility morning, afternoon and night are those who have seen the danger in waiting for things to happen to them. Instead, they make things happen for themselves by taking responsibility.
Like my schoolmate, entitled people are always full of expectations. Some of these expectations, they cannot meet for themselves.
Because they are always expectant, they feel angry when their expectation is cut short. See, you must live with the sense that no one owes you anything. The more you think people owe you something, the more disappointed you will be when they don’t respond. However, this should not mean that you will not always be there for them when they need you. But don’t be so entitled when you need them that you make demands on their time because you think it’s payback time.
Some people may call you a sadist, as they once called me. But that’s how I have lived all my life. I don’t live transactionally but I will always play my part to the fullest. But I don’t always expect other people to do the same for me. For instance, I am not expecting your loyalty because I’m loyal to you. I may be disappointed when you stab me in the back, but I have mentally made plans for it. Also, I sometimes stay up at night just so I can wish some of my friends a happy birthday. I consider myself foolish if I am waiting for them to do the same on my birthday. Lower your expectation of mortals and take responsibility.
Give everything but expect nothing.
To be honest, I always anticipate the opposite of my gestures and attitude towards people. It helps me lower my expectations and take responsibility. In fact, when people act in a bad manner towards me, I always help them find excuses in advance for their attitude so that I can have peace of mind. Life is too short to let people control your emotions because of the way they acted towards you.
Finally, entitled people always expect automatic results. My schoolmate was finding an automatic ‘soft life’ because of her ‘first-class graduate’ status. Even the overall best graduating student in our graduating class wasn’t waiting for school intervention to better his life. When you take responsibility, you are confident that the effort you have invested will earn the desired results.
Entitled people will always flee from taking responsibility. They hate it. They always want everything to come to them. They are obsessed with their comfort and there is no growth in comfort. Growth is always outside the comfort zone. You will never discover a new island if you don’t leave the shores.
If you wait for everything to happen to you, nothing but stagnancy will happen. Do want you have to do now and stop waiting for anyone. That your uncle that promised you a job after school, hope you are working at the place he fixed you at? Lol. Go and be responsible.
