On Network and Relationships

The “Man know man” culture is everywhere. I thought it would be different when I started my studies in the United Kingdom but to my surprise, it’s the same. My career tutor was the first to tell me that people who know people inside a company get hired faster than others. I know that in Nigeria because I was both a beneficiary and a victim.

I had resumed at an office in Lagos at the stipulated date only to hear the bad news. E shock you too? Naso e shock me too. I have a witness who might read this. I died inside. On that day I knew that there are some circumstances people find themselves that you can’t console them. Just pray and let God do the rest. I was shattered and didn't know how I got home. I took the disappointment and ‘stomached’ it. Incidentally, it happened around this time that year — January. Let’s sweep that under the carpet jare.

So, the “Man know man” culture here surprised me too. I was like ehn ehn e deh here too. A senior person told me the same at an event. However, the difference between the culture in Africa and here is that an effort is mostly required on your path. In Africa, you can know nothing about finance and be a country’s finance minister because you know someone up there but it won’t happen here. You must also bring something to the table. At least give your ‘connect’ something to convince the recruiter (if it’s about employment).

Relationships always do the magic. A mentor of mine would say “What the poor sweat and labour to get, the rich get without breaking a sweat. and this is true. We had the most recent example in Nigeria — Davido’s birthday fundraising.

No man can say he attained his current position by only his own power. No man. Someone had done something for you at a point in your life that created a ripple effect to where you currently are. Without certain relationships in our lives, no one will hear us (or know about what we’re doing) and these people can come in various forms.

You can be a great light but no one will know you if you’re not on a lampstand. I guess that’s why Jesus said no one can light a lamp and put it under a bowl. The lampstand that amplifies your light are people, the strategic relationships you’ve built over time. Your light can be your talent, skills, expertise, ideas or solution but it’s not enough to make a difference when it’s under a bowl.

When I look back at the small journey of my life, it’s laden with divine coincidences (I will talk about this subject someday) and people referring and helping me one way or the other. Some of these people are still in my life and I still continue to service the relationship.

So, the height and position of your lampstand will determine the degree of influence and impact that you will make. Without powerful networks and relationships, there is a limit to the impact and influence you can make. Relationships are the bow in your arrow whose strength determine your rise and impact. I and probably you have never heard of Amanda Gorman until the day she mounted the stage during President Biden’s inauguration. She was recommended by First Lady Jill Biden for the inauguration.

In the book “Wealth without capital, capital beyond money” by Bright UK, this was what he referred to as reputational capital and I have had the great privilege of watching the author live it. In that book, he said you might not have money but if you know powerful people you have a headstart but if a talented guy doesn’t know a person to set him on the big stage, he might die in obscurity. Bros, you’ll agree that someone must blow your trumpet!

I treat every opportunity to meet people as a date with destiny because everyone is a door to possibilities and opportunities. Be careful here, it is not the same thing as being parasitic or staying with people for only what you can get from them.

I still believe that the best relationships are mutually formed and people are mostly attracted to others who share the same core values with them. This should guide you as well that you cannot force some relationship. However, always seek to add value to others and make people feel that they matter. Stop shouting “Please comman mentor me, sir” or “Can I be your boy” about.

Great men and people will seed of greatness know when people are using them. After learning this first hand from my mentor, I was at a table in an event when a wealthy man said the same thing. They always know. More so, you don’t ask a person for a relationship and always expect to get it. Calm down.

A friend of mine works in the Nollywood industry. I remember someone once picked up his phone, scrolled through the contact list and saw names of various celebrities in the country. His next statement was not just devastating but annoying. “Ah! Guy you’re in money ooo. If you bill them 10 by 10 every week for 5k each, your weekend is already set,” he said. Now, that’s a parasitic and entitlement mentality. And that’s not what the relationships in your life are meant for.

Four kinds of people

There are two parameters for evaluation all the relationships in your life and these parameters will lead us to the four kinds of people subheading: LIKE (Interest) and (Power/Influence) HELP.

Category 1: People that can help you but do not like you. The wealthy guys you see on TVs and on Wikipedia pages. These are the group that can determine how successful you (we) will be and how fast it will happen. The question is, how many of these kinds of people do I (we) in my (our) life?

Category 2: People that cannot help you but like you. Your close relatives, your friends and sometimes your parents fall in this category.

Category 3: People that can help you and like you. You have bought your way into the heart of these ones.

Category 4: People that cannot help you and do not like you. The next-door babe you’ve been chasing for the past five years is in this category. Leave her and find another babe.

What to do

• Keep those that can help you but doesn’t like you engaged, communicate with them regularly and always consult and involve them in what you’re doing. The goal is to improve the interest and keep them satisfied.
• Communicate frequently with those that can help you and like you, volunteer on their projects and always seek their feedback. The goal is to stay close.
• Keep those that cannot help you but like you informed. Everyone is important. These people are your fans and there is so much you can get from their support and advocacy. We are all on a journey and it’s only a matter of time before our digging will hit water. The goal is to keep them informed.
• Monitor those that cannot help you and do not like you. Never despise anyone. They can rise tomorrow and you’ll need them. Keep them updated and try to increase interest. I have a lot of people in this category in my life.

There is a popular saying that “Plant a tree today and reap a forest tomorrow.” Sometimes forming great relationships takes time. Even those we have formed needs regular servicing. One thing is sure, tangible friends pull each other up. They just need only one of them to move up. I once worked on documents for top-ranking civil servants of a state. I observed that all of them attended the same secondary school. That is not a coincidence, I get am wella. I don map out my guys that will blow in the next 10 years. We deh here. Lol

In the next newsletter, we (as I have learnt, practised and observed) will examine the stuff we need to master to plug ourselves into strategic relationships.